[For all those who are not aware this is a satirical piece as part of a series called NEWSFLASH (click here)]
MicroPakistan has been fortunate enough to get an exclusive interview with one of the most important people in the present government, the man of the hour, the advisor to the advisor to the Prime Minister on Interior Affairs. For security reasons we are unable to disclose his name. Here is a transcript of the interview:
[For all those who are not aware this is a satirical piece as part of a series called NEWSFLASH (here, here and here). In my previous post I spoke about how Imran Khan will soon be filling a case against Altaf Husain in England. It will be very difficult to collect evidence in this case and it may get very costly. We will have to wait and see how long Mr Khan is able to maintain his enthusiasm. It just struck me that something like a football match might be cheaper, quicker, simpler and much more conclusive.]
MicroPakistan has learnt that it has been decided that Imran Khan and Altaf Husain would battle it out on the football field to resolve their current stand off. This idea was suggested by Mr Husain who expressed his unhappiness towards the legal proceedings initiated by Mr Khan by saying, ‘I am totally against all kinds of violence [sic], in particular the political violence initiated by Imran Khan against me. I would suggest that instead of going to court we should take care of this in the sports arena. I am sure Mr Khan would have no problem with this.‘ It was initially suggested that they take each other on in a cricket match, but considering the superiority the flat-stomached Khan possessed in the sport, it was dropped in favour of football.
Continue reading ‘NEWSFLASH: Imran (Khan) and Altaf (Husain) to battle it out on the football field’
[For all those who are not aware this is a satirical piece as part of a series called NEWSFLASH (here and here). In this post I have looked at a real DAWN newspaper report on the power crisis in Karachi. Power cuts are a becoming a huge problem throughout the country and according to Pakistani government estimates, generating capacity needs to grow by 50 percent by 2010 in order to meet expected demand. This year will be particularly bad in this regard and even though certain power projects are planned for completion in the near future there is a possibility of a shortage well beyond 2010. ]
Here are some excerpts from a news report in DAWN (19 April 2007) followed by some investigative reporting by MicroPakistan.
Continue reading ‘NEWSFLASH: KESC to protest against Karachi residents’
Emaar of Dubai is investing $43 billion to convert two islands off the coast of Karachi into resorts for the rich elite of the city. In recent years residents of Karachi have been facing a great deal of problems due to the increase in traffic, pollution, crime and lack of other basic amenities. Such a project would allow the crème de la crème to distinguish themselves from the millions of middle-class people in the city who have now, according to one socialite, turned it into a ‘shit-hole’.
The islands would also serve as a permanent getaway for its residents as all their needs would be provided for and they would be able to access the areas of Defence and Clifton by a $50 million bridge. The other Karachi ‘towns’ were already no-go areas for most people tipped to be buying property on these islands. However, it was a cause for concern that on national holidays, such as Eid, Independence Day, Defence Day etc., a lot of the inhabitants of deprived Karachi areas would migrate to Defence and Clifton to enjoy the only source of entertainment for the middle-class of the city, the Clifton Beach.
Continue reading ‘NEWSFLASH: Karachi to have $43 billion islands (whaa?)’
In an unprecedented move Pakistan Army, the 7th largest army in the world, has introduced a new course to be taught at Pakistan Military Academy at Kakul. The course is titled Real Estate 101 and will be compulsory for all those entering Kakul. As this will form the heart of the officer corps it is thought to be imperative that they have the basic knowledge to deal with the real estate that they will acquire later on in their careers. In light of the introduction of this course, compulsory English Language courses have now become optional as it is felt that regardless of the courses offered the officers continue to speak their unique brand of English.
Advanced level real estate courses are now being devised for the National Defence College in Quetta where senior officers were initially taught the art of higher military strategy. Continue reading ‘NEWSFLASH: Real Estate 101 for Army Officers’
